It’s gonna cost more than a dollar.

Donald Trump is Our Only Hope For Real Gun Control

Jeff Simmermon
4 min readJul 28, 2016


A Donald Trump victory will be a threat to democracy as we know it. The Constitution will crumble and we’ll slide into authoritarian rule. However, there is a silver lining: America may finally see meaningful gun control.

There are currently two candidates running for president, and only one of them has declared race war as a campaign promise.

Trump has already promised to weaken the First Amendment and cripple freedom of the press, ignore the Geneva convention by torturing enemy prisoners and replace all federal employees with Trump sympathizers once he’s in office. History shows us that this is classic dictator behavior, and it is.

But no dictator has ever tried to rule a public as heavily armed as 21st century Americans.

Between now and November, it is every Trump opponent’s civic duty to obtain and stockpile as much weaponry and ammunition as you can afford and learn how to use it. Half of America has been impulse-buying assault weapons at Wal-Mart and gun shows for twenty years, so the pump’s already primed.

Gun nuts have been gargling NRA propaganda for years and stocking up for resistance against a fictitious dictator. If you don’t want to spend money on your own weapon, I’m sure that all you have to do is admit that it turns out they were kinda right and they’ll give you one for free.

They won’t like that you’re going to use it against the guy they voted for, but they’ve already demonstrated that they’d rather you have a gun and use it than see a cohesive America.

Trump’s offered to go door to door and deport millions of Americans based solely on their religious beliefs or perceived immigration status. If that’s you, are you going to let Trump’s Orange Shirts take your family on their first try? If it doesn’t happen to you in 2017, do you really think it won’t happen it 2018?

This results in the following:

1) The NRA and a Republican-controlled Congress notice a dramatic uptick in gun sales to people of color, and quickly move to enact meaningful gun control legislation. We all know that they only want white people to have guns. Once they see the other side preparing for a race war that the future President has already declared, they’re going to change their tune in a hurry.

We start to see the closing of the gun show loophole, fingerprint locks, and a national gun registry. Yes, the registry may also be used to target future enemies of the State. But that’s going to require someone on Trump’s list to do boring homework for a few hours, so we should be safe.

2) It will take several months for President Trump to tear himself away from every single mirror in the White House. That’s the time that we spend arming, training, getting ready. We practice shooting while running with a full backpack. Sorry, flabby open-carry fans, that’s what real warriors do all the time.

3) We start learning how to read again. The resistance organizes and communicates online, but by using long-form journalism and blog posts.

No tweets, no lists. By burying strategies and tactics in the fourth or fifth long paragraph of a post, we’ll completely escape detection.

It might take longer than a few months to remember how to read and construct a well thought-out argument and reconsider context, but that’s all we’re going to have.

Eventually, Trump will ban guns outright. He’d be a fool not to eliminate the Second Amendment outright. But there are already too many guns in circulation for that to really have any effect.

People will be pretty hesitant to sign up for Trump’s Orange Shirt squad when they know that they’re going to be met with real, active resistance. It’s easy to be a tough guy when you’re the only one holding the gun, a lot harder when you know you might have to show some guts.

Orange Shirt numbers are going to be pretty thin, and the remaining ones will start half-assing it once it turns into real work. Americans haven’t swung anything heavier than a joystick for over a decade, and the most productive office workers only do real work between 10AM and noon, then 4–6PM. Everything else is Facebook and Game of Thrones theories.

Humans feel fear, but cyborgs don’t. Trump will direct Raytheon to develop a new breed of cybernetically enhanced half-man, half-machine ICE and Border Patrol agents.

This is a reality where a Trump presidency makes the most sense: a complete real-life Robocop franchise reboot.

America may be too divided to stop Trump from taking the White House in November, but if we get focused, we may be able to be the only country that makes its dictator step down because it’s too much like hard work.

With a little hacking savvy, we’ll be able to gain control of those robot ICE agents. And because humans are humans, eventually someone’s going to fuck one.

No rational person capable of thinking three steps ahead wants to see Donald Trump become the president. All I’m saying here is that if he does become the president, we get authoritarian sex robots, meaningful gun control and the chance to make America read again.

Silver linings, people.



Jeff Simmermon